Screenshot: SiriusXM

Kevin Hart has recently “defended” his choice to throw a cowboys-and-Indians-themed party for his son’s first birthday party, if you can call it that.

According to Complex, folks on social media rightfully pointed out that the entire idea of a cowboys and Indians party was messed up, especially in light of the Thanksgiving-adjacent timing.

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Kevin Hart then proceeded to just kind of say whatever the fuck in defense of the choice on his SiriusXM show. I’ll give you the quick and dirty: It didn’t make a lick of sense.

“To throw racial judgment into the development of a 1-year-old birthday party,” Hart lamented, after saying we’ve reached a point of people just have too many opinions. Ick, opinions based in historical fact!

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“I’m saying the battle that is ‘assumed’ because of the movies and because of everything they’ve seen was because of the fights that were between the cowboys and the Indians. So as a kid, when you played these games, it was based off of the premise from a hypothetical place that was put into perception for movies,” Hart asserted, seeming just positive that this hypothetical place was not…real history, which was often warped by white filmmakers.

“This isn’t a racial slur that people are doing and being malicious with. This is a game that’s been played for years,” Hart went on to say, foolishly.

Hart also said you’d be an idiot to think that white people don’t already play games like “slave owner and slave,” because we should definitely be looking to white people as examples for shit to do.

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Since those are the rules now, I figured we could have a little more fun with our party themes and really take things to the next level. Here are seven other party themes for adults and children alike, guaranteed not to fuck up their fundamental understanding of world history or otherwise offend people—which I know won’t happen because there were movies about this stuff.

1. An Amistad-themed boat party

Invite: Come on by—you don’t have a choice!

2. A What’s Love Got to Do with It-themed tea party

Invite: Eat the cake, friends and family!

3. A Fruitvale Station-themed cops and robbers party

Invite: You have the right to RSVP!

4. A Hotel Rwanda-themed convention

Invite: Can’t wait Tutsi you!

5. A Sophie’s Choice­­-themed party train

Invite: We hope you’ll choose us for your Saturday-night plans!

6. A Last of the Mohicans-themed bonfire

Invite: Ambush our backyard for a great time!

7. A Django Unchained-themed game night

Invite: Nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger!

Oh shit, my bad—that’s a racial slur, which Kevin Hart implied is an actual issue, not like this other willy-nilly-ass historical shit like genocide or whatever.

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Bonus: Host a cake walk or play some Chinese Checkers. They’re just games people have always played!