I’m crying right now. I didn’t think that it was possible to love someone I don’t know personally more than I do right now, but again, Black Jesus has proved me wrong.
Today is like learning that James Baldwin was a Washington Wizards fan, or that John Coltrane owned a pair of Bred Jordan 1s. Gayle King is Oprah Winfrey’s BFF and, as such, whenever Gayle is set to talk about Gayle, you can expect someone to ask about Oprah.
During her interview on The Ellen Show earlier this week, the CBS This Morning anchor noted that while she doesn’t partake in God’s reparations to black folk for white-people bullshit, her good friend and sista, Oprah, has.
“Oprah has also smoked a little marijuana, too, I don’t mind saying,” she said, quickly adding, “I’m not telling tales out of school.” Realizing that her newfound admission might fuck up Oprah’s money, considering that she is the pitchman for Weight Watchers and that if anything goes against dieting, it’s blowing out clouds of OG Marion Barry Kush Monster, King quickly tried to reel it in: “I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate her. ... It’s not something that happens on a regular—I’m going to change the subject.”
I’m literally in tears right now. It’s hard to imagine that I could have more respect for Oprah then I already had, yet here we are. I also would like to be Oprah’s dealer so that I could sell her small quantities at rich-people prices. I’m no fool. I know that the wealthy love exclusive shit. So I would name them all kinds of fufu names like “Louis Vuitton Vibrainium strain 112 (where the players dwell),” placed in the finest Crown Royal bags for her.
Here how Vanity Fair dreams of Oprah partaking in the finest greenery:
The fact that King just shared this information isn’t exactly scandalous; marijuana is legal in California, where Winfrey lives. Actually, it kind of makes a whole lot of sense. If you were Oprah Winfrey, and you lived in a home where you were surrounded by what Vogue once described as “stacks of gardening books, and voluminous green wicker sofas and chairs,” you too might take a hit or two before climbing into your custom-made bathtub for an evening, pre-bed soak.
King noted that while Oprah may have hit the jay in her heyday, she herself isn’t looking to get fried: “Listen, I have set no date, no time. I’ve gone all this time without smoking it. I don’t feel like I’m missing—am I missing something, Ellen?”