Photo: iStock

After replying to an unknown number with a joking rejoinder about his penis’ busy agenda, a Chicago teenager found himself unemployed, embarrassed but fortunately free enough to attend future unscheduled sex sessions.

Cory Hrobowski was forced to resign from his job at a Chicago design firm Wednesday after discussing the “terms of his employment” with his boss, who was probably surprised when she received a text referring to the firmness of her employees’ “design.”

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Hrobowski told Buzzfeed that he hadn’t saved his supervisor’s number in his phone, so when he received a message from his boss informing him that he needed to come in for work on Friday, like any 19-year-old, he assumed it was about sex. Because, when you’re 19, everything is about sex.

In Cory’s defense, I have long advocated for technology that allows a person to unsend emails and texts. Why is this still not possible? You mean to tell me our best and brightest tech experts can’t figure this out? Everyone can’t be busy. What about those motherfuckers who get paid to design bunny ears and butterfly swarms for Snapchat filters? This is far more important!

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Cory’s boss replied to his text very professionally. But instead of facing up to his mistake or taking the white way out and saying he was hacked, he decided not to answer at all.

Of course, Black Twitter had a field day with this:

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Apparently, the terms of Cory’s employment didn’t include his boss understanding her employee’s THOTfulness, (or maybe it was because he shared the entire exchange on Twitter) and he resigned from his job. He says he wasn’t pressed because it was only a summer job that he didn’t like much, anyway.

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But just in case those people at Snapchat insist on making dog tongue animation and virtual hair flowers instead of addressing the world’s real problems, here is a list of excuses you can use if this ever happens to you.

  • “I’m sorry, Dick is my barber and I care about looking my best at this job so much that I sometimes get anxious about coming in to work without a haircut.”
  • “New job with the best boss in the world, who dis?”
  • “Damn this autocorrect! That was supposed to say ‘I’ll be there at 11:50’”
  • “I’m sorry Cory is busy praying and fasting. This is his cousin Bory. What were you saying?”
  • “I think you have the wrong number. I keep receiving texts from a guy named Cory but I think there’s been a mixup at the phone company.”
  • “Sorry, that number was for the pet rescue animal hospital charity that I volunteer with, ‘Mouthkisses for Dogs.’ I was trying to tell them I couldn’t be on poo pickup duty Friday because I was coming in for work right after I go see my sick uncle Richard, who’s dying of huglessness.”
  • “Haven’t you seen the news? The Russians are meddling with my employment.”
  • “Sooo ... I’m assuming that’s a ‘no’ for the dick appointment.”

In other news, if anyone is out there looking to hook up with an unemployed dude who shares everything on Twitter, likes sex with strangers and refers to lovemaking as “dick appointments ...”

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I know a guy.