Short-Sleeved Turtleneck Restaurant Owner Stars in Step Up: True to Twerking Respectability Politics in a Pandemic

TRUE Kitchen owner confronts woman twerking at his restaurant.
TRUE Kitchen owner confronts woman twerking at his restaurant.
Screenshot: Twitter

We have BREAKING NEWS via Associated Press-N-Curl.

According to a completely made-up Hollywood trade magazine called Variation, there is a new film in the popular dance franchise, Step Up, coming to a social media screen near you. The owner of Black-owned restaurant TRUE Kitchen & Kocktails has been tapped to star in Step Up: True to Twerking Respectability Politics in a Pandemic. Working under the stage name Turtleneck True, the firmly haughty owner will also write and direct an account documenting the time a Black restaurant owner called out a twerking patron.

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A source tells me that the upcoming film will be in the vein of Get Out meets “Body” (by Megan Thee Stallion).

The synopsis:

Patrons of a packed Black-owned restaurant eat their tourist trap-priced brunch menu items to the turnt sounds of music. An excited member of Brunch Twitter proceeds to climb atop a couch and twerk in kind. In response, the owner (donned in the latest short-sleeved turtleneck fashions) gives everyone a lengthy lecture on just how unacceptable it is to twerk in his restaurant and proceeds to invite anyone who has a problem with these rules to Get Out of his restaurant as he does not necessarily require their funds. Shortly after the occurrence becomes public knowledge, an epic fight breaks out on Black Twitter, with participants arguing about respectability politics, professional decorum, the right to protect one’s property and the fact that everyone involved should be at home during a global pandemic.

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True will executive produce, along with Caramel Kitten. Whitley Gilbert will also produce, via her Unapologetically Bougie & Black Productions banner.

“I am thrilled to be working with Gilbert to finally tell my side of the story,” Turtleneck True told The Root in a statement. “I look forward to finally telling my side of the story and pushing the culture forward through Black representation, unapologetic Blackness, Black excellence and other empty buzzwords that don’t really mean anything of substance when uttered, but are immensely trendy right now so we have to say them for publicity and SEO purposes.”

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No word yet on whether Channing Tatum will make a cameo to increase “that white boy can dance!” metrics. Production for Step Up: True to Twerking Respectability Politics in a Pandemic starts production in November 2048, during Black Restaurant Week. Turtleneck True is represented by Zach Morris Endeavor and this deal was brokered by Talented Tenth & Associates, LLP.

Staff Writer, Entertainment at The Root. Sugar, spice & everything rice. Equipped with the uncanny ability to make a Disney reference and a double entendre in the same sentence.

DISCUSSION

cakes_and-pies

Team No One. Not one. No masks, no social distancing, that turtleneck, that TI-like monologue, the whole damn mixed message of the restaurant, annoying brunch twitter,  and why would I want to watch someone with a heavy filter and a dizzy stars halo chewing with a mouf full of food?