@MustangGirl3 via Twitter

Whenever I’m feeling down and out, I have discovered a cure for depression that doesn’t involve narcotics, thousands of dollars in therapist fees or finding a USB outlet to recharge my sex robot. (No, I don’t have a sex robot. I’m still waiting for Apple to come out with one because I might be desperate, but I’ll never be lonely enough to fuck an Android android.)

To lift my spirits, I simply go to YouTube and find white people doing black things. Whether it is an acoustic version of “Bodak Yellow” or a white sorority trying to mimic a black fraternity’s step routine, Caucasian shenanigans are a surefire way to put a smile on my face. I’m sure there are other methods we can’t discuss until a certain herbal remedy is legalized in all 50 states, but for now, I’ll just stick with YouTube.

So when I discovered that the hashtag #POTUSRAP was trending on Twitter, I became giddy with the same kind of excitement I’m sure Donald Trump feels when he finds a Russian sex worker with a weak bladder. It was pure joy.

Apparently, when Trump threw shade at Jay-Z over the rapper’s criticism of him this weekend, Scott Adams, the creator of the Dilbert comic strip and a Trump admirer, thought it would be cool to ask followers to create their own version of Trump’s shots at Hov.

Advertisement

Of course, white people responded because Caucasian weekends are always filled with exciting activities such as waterskiing, shopping for outfits that make wypipo’s pets seduce their owners into tongue kissing them and, now, recording themselves trying to ether Beyoncé’s husband.

As Senior Editor Stephen A. Crockett Jr. points out, no collection of the tomfoolery of the unmelanated would be complete without them turning their hats to the side to signify their blackness, proved by this woman who looks like someone poured a carton of spoiled buttermilk into a bedazzled American-flag hat. I want to hate her and the Ted Kaczynski look-alike behind her, but I just can’t. I find myself overcome with pure delight!

Advertisement

Even this dude who managed to take a break from planning his upcoming school shooting to make a quick video of himself spitting hot fire couldn’t upset me. I mean, he’s dissing Jigga while wearing a “The New York Slimes” shirt dissing the so-called fake media, and I still can’t stop smiling!

There’s even a country version!

Advertisement

Look, I’ll be honest: I’m often contacted by racists who tell me that white people are responsible for all the progress and advancements in the Western world. I can’t argue with them because I know—without their predilection for colonialism, worldwide racism and their centuries-long desire for intercontinental raping, pillaging and stepping on the necks of brown people in a never-ending quest for global domination—we probably wouldn’t have great things like heart surgery, washing machines and air conditioning. (Wait. I’ve just been informed that those things were invented by black people, but I’m sure you get the point I’m trying to make.)

But this hashtag surpasses even the great white inventions of blood banks, refrigerators and potato chips. (What? Those things were invented by black people, too? Dammit, white people, did y’all do anything?)

So if you’re feeling a little bit low today, take a few minutes to enjoy some white people. I promise it will brighten your day.

Advertisement

If not, there’s always crystal meth. But you’ll have to ask a white person for that.

P.S. And some of them—I assume—are good people.