On top of making devils cower to the Caucus mountains, the mighty Wu-Tang Clan is also backing a new vegan burger ... at White Castle.
Hey, stranger things have happened! (remember that Martin Shrekli Wu disaster?) Actually, it makes sense that the hip-hop power team would be working with White Castle; if Jay Z is McDonald’s and Burger King is Nas then Wu-Tang is definitely White Castle.
Also, Soulja Boy is Bojangles. Queen Latifah is Popeyes. Drake is Chipotle. Cardi B is Taco Bell. And Redman is definitely Kennedy Fried Chicken.
Wu-architect, the RZA, himself a professed vegan for more than 25 years (not sure about Raekwon, he looks like he only eats hot wings and gas station hot dogs) left a cryptic voiceover when White Castle dropped its promo video:
“Peace. My name is RZA9000, formerly known as the RZA. I have uploaded my consciousness into a supreme data system and now I possess the knowledge infinite,” he said in his rapid-fire staccato. “Together with the Wu-Tang Clan, we will slide through space, seek wisdom, and expand the parameters of the mind. If you are an Earthling and you need answers, call 1-833-4-SLIDER.”
We actually called that number and got a message saying, “Cashews rule everything around me.”
Sike! It’s just more RZA saying that “All will be revealed, Wu-Tang in space; eating Impossible Sliders - October 1st.”
According to reports, the Impossible Slider looks, tastes and “bleeds” just like real meat:
The product is made with an ingredient called soy leghemoglobin that releases a protein called heme that gives the meat substitute its distinctive blood-like color and taste. This ingredient was approved by the Food and Drug Administration in July, big win for Impossible Foods, which has been rapidly expanding in the U.S. and abroad.
The meatless burgers are about twice the size (and cost) of White Castle’s regular sliders and sell for $1.99; it’s topped with, pickles, onions and smoked cheddar cheese, which can be removed for the vegan option. The patties, made primarily of wheat protein and potato, are the first plant-based burgers sold in an American quick-serve restaurant.
Even though I thought there might be an endorsement opportunity for the Wu at Olive Garden (Who wouldn’t go for the “Ol’ Dirty Pasta” special?), this deal might open up the door for other rappers business opportunities including:
- Cardio B, a Bronx-style, high-intensity self-defense class where you learn how to throw hands wearing Timberlands or red bottoms.
- Migos exclusive line of infant shoes: Bad and Booties.
- MAGAdidas: Yeezys for white people who burned their Nikes.
- Eminem M&Ms: White candy shells that everyone swears is better than the chocolate ones.
- The Nicki Minaj line of Depends undergarments: When you thought you were going to go number 1, but you actually went number 2 and blame it on Travis Scott.
- J Cole Stone Creamery: Everyone says it’s better than regular ice cream, but every flavor kinda tastes the same.
- And finally, Lil’ Wayne’s Lean cough syrup: For when you’re not really sick ...
You’re just a lil Weezy.