Michael B. Jordan
Image: Paras Griffin (Getty Images for Essence)

We love Michael B. Jordan. He’s a dreamy man with a face you wanna squeeze, but also lick. But his dating habits have left a lot to be desired by black women. Michael B. usually canoodles with the likes of Becky and Karen. And many black women are upset, mostly because they think they deserve Michael B. Jordan. We do.

Listen, I couldn’t care less who a man dates unless that man is Idris Elba or Michael B. Jordan. Most recently, Bae Jordan has been reportedly dating Instagram model (?)/someone I had to Google, Ashlyn Castro. The gorgeous gal has been getting a lot of shade because of her shade of melanin.

Then there are images of Jordan floating around on a jet ski with another Becky and of course, women went in on the comments.

Bae Jordan jumped on Instagram live while on vacation to tell us we’re all wildin’. “You’re teeing off on your boy, alright?” Bae laughed.

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“Newsflash, there’s not a lot of black women in Italy. Y’all are buggin’. I ran through the comments, y’all tearing your boy up! It’s not, it’s just not. Sorry.”

Wait, so black women aren’t in Italy? I know I’ve been before. I know several black women who have been and some who even live there. But I digress. Bae is just trying to say he’s in Italy, surrounded by women without melanin because that’s what Italy has. OK, I can move past that.

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He keeps going, “I’m reading through the comments and shit, y’all tearin’ ya boy up. It’s too much, man. Y’all doin’ too much.”

If we’re doing too much, then Bae Jordan is doing the most! He tried to clean up his love of women of color by comparing us to milk, like the dairy from a cow.

“I like milk. I like chocolate milk — I love chocolate milk. And I like almond milk, strawberry milk. You know the cinnamon toast crunch? The milk after that, I like that, too. That’s pretty good. I like milk period. Y’all just doin’ a lot. Y’all gotta chill,” he said.

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Well, that got weird. Bae Jordan’s milk analogy reminds me of this cringe-worthy moment when Illinois governor Bruce Rauner used chocolate milk to explain diversity and inclusion.

Mmm mmm good! At least Michael B. Jordan likes the taste of diversity!

Jordan continues in the IG live video, saying, “Y’all gotta start putting more positivity out there. As a black man, you gotta do what you gotta do in the sense of you gotta enrich your community and what not. But you gotta stop putting out all this negative shit … why tear us down? For what?” he asked.

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I don’t think anyone is actually tearing him down. It’s just hard sometimes as a black woman to see an extremely desirable black man actively not choose us. But you know what, we’re all works in progress. Let us work through losing Michael B. Jordan to the Beckys of the world in whatever way we can work through it.

I’m probably going to stop drinking milk. Well, I have already, but I might even put a pause on almond milk. Let me know if you want to join my silent protest.