Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attends the annual Remembrance Sunday memorial on November 11, 2018 in London, England.
Photo: Chris Jackson (Getty Images)

If this doesn’t make you more thankful for your family this Thanksgiving, I extend my sincerest condolences.

Apparently, the Markle family hasn’t gotten the memo that Her Royal Highness Meghan is living her best life and ain’t goin’ back and forth with them anymore—or maybe they have, since at least one member is still making desperate grabs for attention.

Clearly intent on spinning her 15 minutes of notoriety into a cease-and-desist and a travel ban, Samantha Markle, evil half-sister of Meghan (née Markle) has finally outdone herself (unless she’s about to hold my beer). The elder Markle recently revealed to English outlets that her long-threatened tell-all, originally and clumsily titled The Diary of Princess Pushy’s Sister, is now scheduled for a release date eerily close to the due date of the Duchess’ first child.

And you thought your siblings got on your last damned nerve.

As reported by Marie Claire:

53-year-old Markle has promised the Daily Star that she will “cover everything” in the family’s ongoing behind-the-scenes saga, and insists that “the world does not know the total truth… [I’m] holding nothing back.” She dramatically added: “From lullabies to lies, it’s all there in my book.”

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Honestly, Lullabies to Lies is a far more appropriate title, because wasn’t it just last month that Samantha was acting contrite for the cameras as she apologized to Meghan on live television, following the royal pregnancy announcement?

“I would just say that there is so much water under the bridge and so much has spun out of control that was never intended to,” she told British television host Jeremy Vine. “And I think everybody was hurt not being included or invited to the wedding, but I felt as though it could have all been nipped in the bud had everyone been included, and we all just agreed to move forward with positive resolve, and the hurt feelings wouldn’t have snowballed. But believe it or not, it doesn’t mean that we love you any less, I just think that families can be this way when there’s confusion and people are hurt, so moving forward, I apologize and wish things could be different.”

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Silly us for thinking she’d actually grown a soul. And silly Samantha for thinking anyone is obligated to invite her clearly toxic and manipulative behind anywhere. Because despite claiming that she hopes her book will “benefit others and bring about change,” just like your creepy stalker ex, Samantha is demonstrating an irrational sense of entitlement to someone who clearly wants nothing more to do with her. And instead of taking “no” for an answer, the release of her messy-ass magnum opus, now titled In The Shadows of the Duchess, purportedly coincides with Meghan’s rumored April-May due date (just weeks prior to the royal couple’s first anniversary).

Because that’s not creepy AF at all. (Meanwhile, don’t you actually have to be close to someone to be in their “shadow”?)

As for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, they’ve continued to treat Samantha like the non-factor she is as they prepare for parenthood—and I hope the literary world treats her the same way (what is “double-brick” in book sales?)

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Now, excuse me, but I’ve got to go hug my half-sister and play with my niece and nephew. You know, like real aunties do.