Malia Obama continues to be photographed minding her black-ass business—this time, the 20-year-old college student was seen drinking out of a bottle of rosé during a weekend spent in Miami with friends.

Shudder at the thought of a bottle of rosé being in Miami, which is obviously the epicenter for wholesome good times and mild-mannered frivolity. In college at this age, I was drinking Everclear and E&J, so I have to commend Malia for having taste at such a young age. (Editor’s note: We hear the brand was the highly rated Whispering Angel, so yes.)

British tabloid the Daily Mail gleefully ran the story on the “underage” Obama on Sunday, followed by a second installment on Monday featuring screenshots from Malia’s long dormant personal Facebook account filled with anti-Trump sentiments.

An Obama displeased with Trump’s administration? It’s like florals in Spring: groundbreaking. The tabloid posted private images from her clearly not-so-secret Facebook account that described Donald Trump as evil—basically just duplicating her account for clicks.


Is Malia Obama being a regular young adult really newsworthy? One would think Flint has clean water by this point.

If Malia was a privileged white man she would have a promising future as SCOTUS.


The only true story here is that as previously (and repeatedly) noted, Malia probably needs better friends, because only a “friend” would have access to her private pages. It’s time to do some vetting.

Malia shouldn’t be chastised for living life as a private citizen. I mean, she’s a college student and no longer a resident of the White House. It’s not like she lied to the American people and got in bed with Russia.