Imma Need Meghan Markle's Broke, Bitter Relatives to Pick a Struggle

Thomas Markle
Thomas Markle
Screenshot: Good Morning Britain

By now we all know that Meghan Markle’s white relatives are broke, busted and bitter because Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, is out here living her best, grandiose life with her real-life prince when they weren’t even invited to the wedding because they’re a bunch of messy bitches.

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Despite being effectively excommunicated because they refuse to stop airing their dirty laundry to any tabloid that so much as asks, the Markles are continuing on their warpath to drag Meghan—and anyone who comes to her defense—down with them in their blubbering bitterness.

Next target on the list? Apparently model Chrissy Teigen, John Legend’s wife, first of her name, tamer of wasps.

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Markle’s half-sister, Samantha Grant, lobbed insults at Teigen after the model called out Thomas Markle, the sisters’ father, after he decided to once again trash talk his daughter in the news.

“So this pudgy airhead @Christinetiegen who knows nobody in the family is opening her pie hole? ‘This guy’ is our father and deserves a lot of respect,” Samantha wrote from her private Twitter account. “You are the one who sucks.”

A pudgy airhead. That is what she called Teigen, who, mind you, for one, has spoken out on more social issues that Grant even has any knowledge of, and secondly, just gave birth to a healthy baby boy. But we really shouldn’t be mocking postpartum any women.

But let’s unpack this messiness from the start. Grant started frothing at the mouth, as said earlier, because Teigen called out daddy Thomas.

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Thomas Markle went on a whole pity party with the Daily Mail, moaning about how his daughter is ignoring him and has changed all of her numbers (hmmm, I wonder why?) and lamenting that he may never be able to see his grandchildren.

“Perhaps it’d be easier [for Meghan] if I was dead,” he said, according to the Mail.

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“I’m really hurt that she’s cut me off completely. I used to have a phone number and text number for her personal aides at the Palace, but after I said a few critical words about the Royal Family changing Meghan, they cut me off,” he said. “Those numbers were disconnected, they no longer work. I have no way of contacting my daughter.

“It’s her birthday on August 4 and I want to send her a card. But if I send a birthday card to Kensington Palace, or wherever she’s living now, it’ll just be one among thousands. She’ll probably never see it,” he added.

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Anyway, the story caught Chrissy’s eyes, and recognizing the manipulative, shitty nature of Thomas Markle’s behavior, she called that shit out in a tweet.

“This guy sucks,” she tweeted. “Let your daughter be happy, please. This is embarrassing.”

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Grant saw the tweet, I guess, and fired back.

And here we all are again, in a messy cycle of Markle’s trashy, white relatives for the umpteenth time.

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Imma really need her white relatives to pick a struggle. You can’t be broke and bitter. Pick a struggle, man. That family can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that Meghan has done well for herself. I’m not sure what kind of narcissism is feeding them (disclaimer: I am not a psychiatrist), but y’all really need to let that shit go. Find something that makes you happy, and try to live your best life too.

Something, by the way, that Teigen is doing masterfully well with her husband, her adorable daughter and her newborn son. The Legends are currently on family vacation in Bali, Indonesia, with Chrissy serving us headband lewks, fitness goals, a reading list ... and even footage of her petting some sort of wasp because ... why the hell not?

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This could be the Markles, but they’re too busy being bitter to #LevelUp, like Ciara done told y’all to.

News Editor at The Root, animation nerd, soca junkie, yogi

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DISCUSSION

Dude looks like Steve Bannon’s LITERAL brother from another mother. He sounds like an emotional abuser. He’s also got plenty of other kids and grandkids to focus on, Thomas jr could probably use some help with his court fees.  

Samantha is supposed to be on an upcoming season of something called Celebrity Big Brother UK. I’m sure we’ll have an article/interview/whatever a day till the Markles destroy that marriage.

I’m finding it weird how frequently it’s phrased as a sort of ‘rags to riches’ fairy tale marriage (by lots of mags, and her trash fam) since she holds a double major from her university, and had work enough to pay the bills, live seemingly well, and have face/name recognition. Now she lives under constant criticism and racial attack.