Stringer Bell did not die for this.
In an obscene case of “WTF were they thinking?” a British doll manufacturer thought they would capitalize on the crowning of Idris Elba as People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” by creating a doll in his honor.
And whew, Lord ... the layers on that mistake.
First of all, this is not the Sexiest Doll Alive. In fact, who the hell is this even supposed to be?
In what we can only assume was some act of “they all look alike” hubris, U.K. company Emperis—which clearly never looked at even an out-of-focus picture of Elba—created a somewhat scary-looking specimen that didn’t even look like a remote relation of the heartthrob. The company has since scrubbed all evidence of the doll from its site and privatized its social media accounts—likely out of sheer shame—but the kicker? They had the nerve to be advertising this “handcrafted” atrocity for the bargain price of approximately $1,100.
So, if not Elba, whose man is this? It was a mystery ... but never fear, Black Twitter is here! In fact, incredulous Elba fans from all over the interwebs had better ideas about who the doll did, in fact, resemble. Yul Brenner, Ben Kingsley, Gandhi and more were mentioned, but there was a strong vote for actor Romany Malco (who I think should be offended by the implication).
And then, there was Charlamagne Tha God, Montel Williams, Brandon Victor Dixon, Bomani Jones, Karamo Brown, and my personal favorite, the late, great “Mr. Gaines” (Lou Myers) to consider as contenders. Even Jeffrey Osbourne and RuPaul (sans drag) made it into the mix—and admittedly, both still bore a stronger resemblance to that wretched doll than Elba.
But wait, there’s more: Never content just to critique, social media had jokes at the ready ... and really, this is where I retire for the evening.
Because y’all are hilarious.
No, really. Goodnight, Internet.