Funkmaster Flex Gave Us Body-ody-ody Goals Just in Time for the New Year—and at This Point, 2020 Just Needs to Wrap It Up

Funkmaster Flex attends Delta Air Lines 2019 GRAMMY’s Party on February 7, 2019, in Los Angeles, California.
Funkmaster Flex attends Delta Air Lines 2019 GRAMMY’s Party on February 7, 2019, in Los Angeles, California.
Photo: Phillip Faraone for Delta Air Lines (Getty Images)

In an Instagram post that’s STILL UP for whatever reason, DJ Funkmaster Flex gave his fans and followers an up-close and personal look at the latest step in his weight loss journey, and honestly, I wish he hadn’t. But unfortunately for you, because I had to see this video, so do you.

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“For a while now @40dayreset has been amazing in helping me lose 40lbs! @drwerfel thank u so much,” Funk Flex captioned the post. “Today I took a step I always wanted to try! @elitebodysculpture works on those hard areas...lower stomach, armpit sides and back fat! No anesthesia, awake the entire time! I really enjoyed it! @drtonyperkins thank u! Home now sore [a little] able to go back to work tomorrow! Your staff was amazing! @brittaninicholetucker x @drinksometee x @shawnarebekah DO YALL SEE THE FAT GOING THROUGH THE TUBE IN REAL TIME?”

YES. Yes, we do see the fat and now, I wish to unsee it. But guess what? I can’t because Funk Flex is trending and has been for hours now, so in the words of the Jones Girls: Who—or rather, where can I run to? Where is the Florida Water? Where is the Holy Oil? Where’s the MiB neuralyzer?

This is neither what my eyes nor stomach needed to see coming off of this holiday where I definitely overindulged, but I’m not gon’ lie to y’all—I’m lowkey jealous. My stubborn fat areas sit around and take up space like they pay rent, and here Funkmaster is flexing and flaunting his lipo in front of my leftovers. (Yes, I’m still eating them. Save your arguments for someone else. JK, no I’m not.) But I’m not here to police what anyone does to their own body, so way to go, I guess? So happy for your loss? (What do you usually say to things like this? When y’all find out, let me know.) Per usual, Black Twitter came with some...interesting reactions.

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Hmm. While it’s one thing to be completely surprised and a bit grossed out at the sight of literal fat being sucked out of a person’s body, it’s a whole ‘nother thing to make slightly (read: hella) problematic and borderline homophobic “jokes” that only reinforce harmful stereotypes in an attempt to caricature a totally normal cosmetic procedure. And while 2020 has been anything but normal, seeing a grown adult get lipo definitely ranks low on the list of the most shocking things we’ve seen this year. (Um, hello: a global pandemic, hundreds of thousands of lives lost, devastating hurricanes, a hellish election cycle, murderous hornets.) Come on, get a grip, folks.

DISCUSSION

It’s been rumored that LL and Drake have done stuff like this as well as having abs and pecs “inserted” yet I must’ve missed the homophobic/femme-phobic vibe and the assumption that they’re not masculine or hetero as a result.

(That said, I never need this type of video in my life regardless of gender or orientation.)