Last summer, because of Facebook’s ridiculous algorithm (thanks, Zuck), a woman named Martina Big popped up on my timeline, and her before and after photos were strikingly different. She went from being a blond, with monstrosities for breast implants, to being a deep-brown woman with bigger monstrosities for breast implants, and lips that were triple their size. Big had completed her transformation into her lifelong desire to become a black woman, thanks to multiple injections of the synthetic hormone Melanotan.
After her transition into an overly tanned white woman, Big appeared on Maury and discussed why she’d always wanted to “be” a black woman.
“Martina, do you think you’re a black person?” host Maury Povich asked.
“Yes,” Big replied. “But 80 percent. I have to learn a lot. I know.”
Well, it’s finally official. Big has gone full Rachel Dolezal (you never go full Rachel Dolezal) and has changed her name after being baptized in Kenya.
Allow me to introduce you to: Malaika Kubwa:
Malaika Kubwa now has officially arrived, with about three bundles of kinky-curly weave and with the blessings of her new Kenyan family:
And y’all thought Dolezal was batshit. This woman wins the batshit prize of the decade, with Dolezal coming in a close second place. I wonder who braids hair better, though? Wait ... maybe Dolezal can teach Kubwa how to braid and make chicken wings?
And that’s enough internet for you today. You’re welcome.