Beyoncé and Jay-Z open their On the Run II Tour on June 6, 2018, in Cardiff, Wales.
Photo: Raven Varona (Parkwood Entertainment) (Getty Images)

RING THE ALARM! WORLD STOP! No. seriously, STOP whatever you’re doing. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Beyoncé and Jay-Z have just single-handedly come for whatever it is you have left of your edges and have dropped yet another surprise album entitled Everything Is Love.

Here I am minding my whole entire business, heading to a day party, and the Carter family decided to raise my blood pressure and bless me with an early birthday gift.

The surprise album dropped like a thief in the night and was exclusively released on Tidal. You know what that means. It’s time to sign up for those free 30-day trials so you, too, can receive your blessings.

In fact, Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s new blessing has nine featured tracks that have now sent all of my weekend plans to hell in a hand basket. The featured video “Ape Shit” was directed by Ricky Saiz and was shot in Paris at the Louvre.

Like I said, my weekend plans are now shot, and I now plan to spend whatever free time I have learning every lyric to this album. It’ll be a résumé-worthy skill.