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B.o.B. Launches GoFundMe to Prove the Earth Is Flat

B.o.B. in 2013 (Michael Buckner/Getty Images for vitaminwater)
B.o.B. in 2013 (Michael Buckner/Getty Images for vitaminwater)

After taking a long hiatus from arguing with people who know what the hell they’re talking about, rapper B.o.B. has stepped back into the field of interplanetary astrophysics to raise money and prove, once and for all, that we live on a really big Frisbee.

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The rapper, whose hits include “Airplanes” and ... umm ... (OK, let’s move on) has long advocated that NASA, elementary school teachers and every astronomer from ancient Africa to Neil deGrasse Tyson is engaged in a centuries-long international conspiracy to make you believe in bullshit like gravity, science and logic.

Now he wants to prove it. B.o.B. has launched a crowdfunding page to raise $200,000 to send multiple satellites “as far into orbit” as he can (stop laughing! Of course he doesn’t know what “orbit” means). He wants to put to rest, once and for all, the asinine theory that is proved every day by the sunrise, fifth-grade science dioramas and the thousands of other satellites currently orbiting the globe.

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B.o.B promises to keep donors updated with “step-by-step documentation,” although he does not mention how someone with such a rudimentary understanding of science plans to engineer a suborbital spacecraft. But hey, I’m probably too focused on the details.

Bobby Ray Simmons Jr. was thrust into the flat-earth spotlight last year when he engaged in a embarrassing heated debate with astrophysicist and guy-so-smart-he-doesn’t-need-a-shape-up Neil deGrasse Tyson on Twitter. The flat-earth movement is a popular underground movement that includes people like Tila Tequila and Kyrie Irving (although, after his trade to the Celtics, one wonders how he will treat reporters from the Boston Globe).

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After searching diligently, we could not find a GoFundMe for B.o.B.’s music career.

To donate to Bobby Ray’s science project, go here.

To watch a video of my friend (yes, I have white friends!) explaining the entire controversy, watch the video below:

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.

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Michael King

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