A Twitter Thread Wants to Know If You Have What It Takes to be Beyoncé’s Assistant

Photo: Mike Coppola (Getty Images)

Some lovely Twitter user by the name of Green Chyna gave me one of my most stressful hours on Sunday when they created a quiz titled, “Being Beyoncé’s assistant for the day: DONT GET FIRED THREAD.”

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Never in my life have I ever cared for a job I knew I wasn’t going to get. In this thread, you are tasked with answering several questions that will either appease the King of Music or have your ass straight in the unemployment line. I went through each question and placed careful thought in all of my answers, thus it took me 45-plus minutes to complete this Twitter assignment.

This is a “choose your own adventure” type of game, and with every click, you pray that the “odds are ever in your favor.”

I believe a trickle of sweat fell betwixt my brows, as I knew one wrong move could land me in the “somebody’s getting fired” category. I panicked as if my termination would bring dishonor upon my house and my standom of this artist. What would I choose for her breakfast? Which child would I FaceTime? Am I putting fresh paint on the walls or nah?! All these questions raised my blood pressure to levels I didn’t know Twitter could accomplish. This was The Devil Wears Prada on steroids.

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I made it to the end without getting terminated, and to me, this is a resume-worthy skill. At the very least, I should place this in my Twitter bio so I can bask in the fact that I’m prone to making smart life choices when it comes to Beyoncé.

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About the author

Corey Townsend

Chief Beyoncé Content Officer @ TheRoot. I aspire to be as steadfast & unmovable as Solange's wig. Former President of Hogwart's Black Student Union.