Terry Crews speaks onstage during Steven Tyler’s Third Annual GRAMMY Awards Viewing Party on January 26, 2020 in Los Angeles, California.
Terry Crews speaks onstage during Steven Tyler’s Third Annual GRAMMY Awards Viewing Party on January 26, 2020 in Los Angeles, California.
Photo: Anna Webber (Getty Images for Janie’s Fund)

Dear Terry Crews,

Happy Countdown to Juneteenth, brother. I hope this message finds you well and Black AF.

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While I’d rather spend my time officially reworking the rules of Uno, your recent tweets have summoned me here. You may have heard of the Grand Wizard of leading white supremacist group, the Ku Klux Klan, well I’m the Grand Wiz of Black Supremacy. Get it? Because The Wiz is the black Wizard of Oz? Anyway.

Let’s cut right to the chase. This:

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And this:

Sure, when you see rhythmic tragedies such as this, you can’t help but conclude that the black race is superior. Wakanda may be a fictional place, but black pride is real.

As per the natural course of over 400 years of constant bamboozling and hoodwinking, we have about 50-11 reasons to be wary of so-called well-meaning white allies. In all honesty, dismantling white supremacy is absolutely the work of white folks and shouldn’t be the burden of me and my people. We are not “all in this together” when there is clearly a hierarchy of race-based privilege. Your tweet doesn’t acknowledge white folks’ responsibility, it further assuages their guilt. With your tweet, you’re basically asking us to extend an olive-branch-shaped invitation to the race relations cookout.

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Speaking of cookouts...I have yet to receive the official data, but I feel like you’re one of the people who arbitrarily invite white people to the cookout and are one of the reasons why the number of mediocre potato salad incidents are currently on the rise.

After leaving your black female peer out to dry like racism roadkill, you attempted to get back in the good graces of the black delegation earlier this year and as recently as earlier this month, the police killings of black people made you realize the importance of protecting and supporting black women.

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Even your TV son had to explain why your comments were off-base. So, here I am attempting to join the club. Somewhere in the distance, beyond the sound of your pulsating pecs, there’s space to just listen to reason.

In conclusion, sir, you are ashy. You’re probably the spokesperson for the jumbo bottle of Queen Helene Cocoa Butter Lotion. While I do not watch anything with “white” in the title and have never seen White Chicks, I completely believe everyone’s assertion that you are your character from White Chicks.

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Best Regards From the Best Race In All the Land,

Grand Wiz

Staff Writer, Entertainment at The Root. Sugar, spice & everything rice. Equipped with the uncanny ability to make a Disney reference and a double entendre in the same sentence.

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