Even though we’ve discussed how Game of Thrones teaches us everything we need to know about white America, breaking down the political and social metaphors embedded within each episode requires a keen eye and the ability to understand the language of literary analogy. The messages hidden beneath the layers of turmoil and conflict sometimes need decoding by a professional, which is why I am here to explain the nuanced meaning of what’s going on in Westeros. But let’s be honest: You didn’t need me this week.
I’m pretty sure I can skip this week’s explainer because even if your eyes had been plucked out by the Three-Eyed Raven, you could still see that this week’s episode was all about Hillary Clinton vs. Donald Trump. Titled “Stormborn,” episode 2 of the second season was basically a recap of the entire 2016 presidential election, set in the Seven Kingdoms and ...
Wait. Am I the only one who noticed this? You mean you have no clue what I’m talking about? OK, let me break it down for you:
Daenerys Targaryen Is Hillary Clinton
The episode opened at the DNC (Dragonstone National Convention) with Daenerys giving the keynote speech as the party’s nominee for queen. Like Hillary, Daenerys opened her speech talking about how Cersei is supported only by three of the Seven Kingdoms (or, as we know them, the “basket of deplorables”). Daenerys assumes—like Hillary—that she should be queen because of her family ties and her white privilege (the dragons).
Her political advisers thought it was important to get a minority endorsement, so she sent a raven to Jon Snow and the Starks in the North. Apparently, Daenerys has no idea that the black community frowns on her shenanigans because of what happened in the previous
Clinton Targaryen administration, but everyone knows: The North remembers.
Things got a little tense when Daenerys had to question
Debbie Wasserman Schultz about the emails Varys about his underground network of spies and back-channel messages, but in the end, her advisers devised a plot to rally their base in the parts of the Seven Kingdoms where they have the most support. Basically, her plan is to become queen by winning the Electoral College.
Of course, we know how that ended.
Cersei Lannister Is Donald Trump
Meanwhile, at the RNC (Red Keep National Convention) in Kings Landing, Cersei opened her speech warning her constituents about how Daenerys was coming with the savage Dothraki hordes and Unsullied terrorists who will surely rape and pillage the civilized wives and children of Westeros. No one even raised his or her hands to ask how castrated men could possibly rape anyone, but we’ll get to that later.
Cersei weaved wonderful yarns about how the whites will be in trouble if the Targaryen administration gets control of the Iron Throne, including stories about them destroying noblemen and (gasp!) freeing slaves.
The other conservatives are skeptical of Cersei because—even though she pretends to be self-made—they know that she inherited all her power and money from her father. But just like the Republicans, they are more interested in keeping their power in Westeros, so they make threats and outlandish promises of Cabinet positions in exchange for loyalty.
Health Care for All
Now that Samwell Tarly is enrolled in maester school, his knowledge of the health care system highlights the need for universal health care in the Seven Kingdoms. While I believe that a little shea butter would have cured Lord Mormont’s skin condition when he first contracted his irreversible Acute Ashiness Syndrome, most doctors have refused him medical care on the basis of his pre-existing condition.
Now he is forced to try an experimental procedure that’s not FDA approved—which is why Jon Snow needs to rule the Iron Throne and institute the public option. He’s been shot by arrows, suffered numerous concussions and stabbed repeatedly, so he knows the importance of good insurance. He’s still on the insurance plan provided by the Night’s Watch’s union, which is one of the best providers in all of the Seven Kingdoms. We know this because—even though it isn’t mentioned in the books or on the TV show—when he died and the Red Witch brought him back to life, she didn’t even ask him for a co-pay!
Plus, I believe that the valuable stem cell research done at Maester University could help Grey Worm become sullied again. However, in the case of Grey Worm and Missandei, now we know: It’s not the size of the boat—or even that you have a boat—because in the minds of wypipo, the fetishization of blackness is so strong, they imagine that a castrated black man is still powerfully virile.
The Starks Women Are Woke AF
You know what they say: You can take a Stark out of the North, but you can’t take the North out of a Stark. Even though Arya has learned how to blend in with the whites, all she ever wanted to do was get back to her hood and chill with her fam. That’s all she’s ever desired.
... That, and reparations. Arya has wanted reparations since day one. Unlike a lot of people who blabber about it, Arya took action. She made a list and checked it twice. She’s like Reparations Santa Claus, and just when she was going to make a special delivery to Cersei Trump, she heard about the family reunion, so she’s headed back home.
Sansa, meanwhile, is trying to warn Jon Snow against trusting Daenerys Clinton, because she doesn’t trust anyone with that much white privilege. Sansa understands that Jon wants to believe that the Seven Kingdoms will unite to fight the Alt-White Walkers.
Ultimately, like Sansa, we all agree that a Hillary Targaryen administration will probably be marginally better than a Donald Lannister presidency, but we can’t forget that Daenerys ultimately wants what Hillary wants—for us to bend the knee. Sansa knows. Arya knows. We Superpredators know.
The North remembers.