Amazon.com

So KFC has decided, all casual like, to drop a romance novel featuring the one and only Colonel Sanders in honor of Mother’s Day this year, and I am just staring at my computer with my mouth open, my eyes brimming with tears. I’m honestly overwhelmed, y’all. I have never been so horrified and yet delighted in my whole, entire life, and you will not judge me for this. Don’t @ me.

The book, called Tender Wings of Desire (yes, they went there), reportedly tells the story of Lady Madeline Parker, who runs away from a loveless betrothal, only to meet a “handsome sailor with a mysterious past.” The story is set in Victorian England.

The novella is only 96 pages long, and a free electronic copy is available at Amazon.com. You’re welcome.

According to CNN Money, KFC claims that its sales spike by about 40 percent every Mother’s Day, making that special occasion the company’s best-selling day of the year. The company says it sells some 6.5 million pieces of chicken to some 380,000 families on Mother’s Day.

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So, to thank moms this year for KFC’s continued success (I’m projecting here), the company made the novella part of its $20 Fill-Up meal, which the company says feeds the whole family, “so Mom gets the night off to sit back, relax and be whisked away to a faraway fantasy.”

There’s even a promo video.

Real tears, guys. I am crying real tears here.

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Tender Wings already has 18 reviews on Amazon and is currently averaging 4.1 out of 5 stars. I do not know who is responsible for this ray of sunshine on a gloomy day, but I only have one question: Who’s gonna read this with me? (I said don’t judge me, don’t @ me.)