A child seated on the lap of the black Santa at the Mall of America
Twitter

When I first heard about a black Santa coming to the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minn., I thought back on all the times I went to see Santa Claus as a child. Why I was being forced to sit on some old white man's lap was beyond my comprehension. Hell, I didn't even believe in Santa Claus, especially since we always shopped for our own Christmas gifts.

Apparently, some racist white people took issue with Larry Jefferson, a retired U.S. Army vet from Texas, portraying good ol’ St. Nick.

Shocker.

Actually, I wasn't shocked. At all. Racist white people can't even hide their racist true colors during what's supposed to be a glorious time of the year. Imagine being a low-IQ racist and eventually finding out that St. Nicholas, the man on whom Santa Claus is based, was a nonwhite man from Asia Minor, now modern-day Turkey?

St. Nicholas
Wiki Commons

Look at that photo; does Santa look like some fat white man to you? These upset white people are hilarious, though. But I can definitely relate.

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Going to church was a big deal throughout my childhood. Remember that Michael Jackson song "Have You Seen My Childhood"? Well, you can find my lost childhood years in the church. Pentecostal, Baptist, nondenominational. You name it. I've been it. Regardless of the denomination and the fact that every congregation was at least 90 percent black, all of these churches had one thing in common: a big-ass picture of white Jesus on the walls.

Every Sunday this white Jesus glared at the congregation. And no matter how many times the preacher read the passage that said "wool of hair, skin of copper" (or whatever nonwhite color it was; it's been years—my Bible knowledge is rusty), no one ever questioned the fact that white Jesus looked like someone from a hair band hailing from South Jersey.

But did black people protest Jesus? Hell no. Black people doubled down on white Jesus. And they still love white Jesus. I haven't walked into a church lately, so as not to have it go up in flames because of my heathen proclivities, but I'm pretty sure white Jesus is still hanging in some black church across America.

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Now back to black Santa and these racist white people upset over an imaginary man.

I'm sure these people upset over black Santa are Trump voters. Within the next couple of years, they're going to realize that while they were upset about black Santa, their president-elect (not mine, theirs) was already doing a good job of ruining the country. In a couple of years, when their houses have been foreclosed on, they don't have tuition (which Hillary Clinton was making sure would be free for in-state students) for little Becky or Paul's college education, and those jobs that Trump promised never came to fruition, they're going to look back on being mad about black Santa Claus and realize how f—king stupid they were.

Hey, but look on the bright side—you poor, pathetic, low-IQ-having, racist white people—you still have the Easter Bunny! For now.