Between stories about the leader of the free world playing footsie with Russian President Vladimir Putin, Republicans’ plan to strip 20 million Americans of health care and how Donald Trump Jr. met with Russians to slander Hillary Clinton, ABC’s Good Morning America aired a special segment on the real crisis facing the country: the Blac Chyna-Rob Kardashian beef.
CNN reports that—wait, let me check that source again. Yes, apparently CNN, which calls itself “the most trusted source in news,” reports that Chyna (the model, not the country or the dinner plates) appeared on the show along with her attorney Lisa Bloom to discuss the controversy involving Blob Kardashian.
Unless you have been hiding under a rock, are detached from social media or only care about actual important issues, you already know that Kardashian—the leader in the clubhouse for Fuckboy of the Year—recently joined his family’s lucrative nekkid-picture publicity business by releasing sexually explicit pictures of his former fiancee on Instagram.
Blac Chyna and Bloom (which is a great name for a rap duo) revealed that a temporary restraining order has been filed against Kardashian and that she was devastated by the treatment from the father of her 8-month old son, Dream. She also dismissed notions that she only got pregnant to spite the Kardashians or as a come-up, explaining, “I was already Blac Chyna before the Kardashians.”
As the ABC News segment producers surely questioned their own life decisions, the entire country should have reflected on where we are today: The Ku Klux Klan had a march this weekend about a statue, our president is tweeting about face-lifts as we face a nuclear threat, America’s dad is a serial rapist and the No. 1 morning news show’s feature story is about an unemployed woman who sent nudes to the unemployed, fame-adjacent brother of a reality star famous because she once made a porn video with Brandy’s brother.
Even worse than that—I’m writing about it.
Pardon me while I go wash my keyboard.